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User blog:Rena Charming/''Once Upon a Time'' Character Ranking
Hello, dear subscribers, Rena here with a definitive character ranking for the universe of Once Upon a Time. The deal is as follows: I'm going to gradually rank 71 characters of the Once universe, with some of them being joint characters. This list applies only to characters introduced in the first three seasons of the show (and its short-lived spin-off), so Frozen characters and the like will have to forgive me. However, I will take into account what we've seen in season 4 so far for the characters listed. For characters to be included, they have to have been featured in at least three episodes, so, forgive me Rapunzel, Hansel and Gretel and Stealthy, among others. This list might be controversial at times, so, just bear with it. I tried to be somewhat objective. Alright, let's do this. 71. The Shadow I can't believe I forgot to rank the Shadow originally, making the list lose its pretty, round count, but I also can't believe how fortunate it is that the Shadow is the one I forgot, because I can just rank it last without changing the order for anyone else. Because there is no entity on this show I despise more than the Shadow. Just what on earth was its deal? Huh? What?! The Shadow was the sole inhabitant of Neverland, a place I am guessing it created to be its home. Then Pan/Malcolm comes and the Shadow, this very powerful creature apparently, just pretty much agrees to be his slave and do his bidding, by getting even more kids to come and leave their underwear on the floor and play their music loud on the island. Just how desperate for companionship was the Shadow? Why did it choose to be Pan's lapdog? Why did it create the island or a big-ass hourglass for Pan's lifespan? Why did it keep getting kids for him? Where did the Shadow come from? Where did its powers come from? Why could it just take anyone's form, like Belle's? And wtf was that with taking the Blue Fairy's shadow, what did that accomplish, other than providing Tink with an opportunity for redemption? The Shadow just represents a buttload of questions that will never be answered now that it's been concealed in a coconut case (lol) and thrown into fire. Adam and Eddy have even made clear they won't explain what the Shadow was about. So... ugh. 70. Roland Let's get controversial now so you can get a taste of what the list will be like, alright? No mercy. I hate, hate, hate Roland and everything he stands for in the show, because he doesn't actually stand for much, does he? Why does he exist? What is his purpose? He hasn't done much of anything so far, and God, do we even want him to? Let me put it this way: Once is a relatively successful show. It could go on for many more years, and Robin Hood seems like an endgame partner for Regina at the moment. Do we really want her to play the role of doting stepmommy for this kid onscreen for the next five years or so? Do we want Roland to eventually become a part of the regular ensemble and have lines, arcs, forced centric episodes? No, we do not, do we? I say kill the kid with fire, Once, and do it now. Sooner is better than later. 69. Flying Monkeys Now, this one is a bit of a stretch perhaps, because it is common knowledge that these CGI creatures are just other characters who will already be featured on the list, like Little John and Aurora. I'm sure as hell not gonna rank human and animal versions for each character, like Red and Wolf Red. But the winged monkeys stand out for their significance in a rather long-lasting arc, and because I wanna rant about them: as cool as it was to make these iconic figures start out as human and transformed by magic, like some kind of werewolves, I cannot get over the fact that, well, they're human... and yet the Charmings kept killing them! Unmercifully! It made zero sense to me how the so-called heroes of this saga had no problem whatsoever killing off these flying creatures when they knew all too well that they were people. Other ways should have been written in to deal with these menacing imps rather than to shoot them with arrows and bullets. No explanation was ever given afterwards, after the whole Zelena plot was over, to indicate that no monkeys were actually killed. Which means they probably were. Lots of people might have died in monkey form, turned to firey dust, because the Charmings had to worry about saving their own behinds. It goes up against everything we had learnt about the selfless nature of those characters prior to this arc, and I do not abide it. They're still better than Roland though. 68. Merry Men Obviously this does not include the other characters listed who are a part of this band. By Merry Men I refer to the likes of Little John, Friar Tuck and the random uncredited extras who tag along with Robin Hood. Expect a lot of joint characters to make it to these low-ranking spots on the list. I mean, if I didn't see them fit enough to warrant separate credit, surely I'm not gonna have very good opinions about them. 67. Tweedledee Granted, the Tweedles did say they had no names, no one in the show ever referred to them as Dee or Dum, and the cast credits always just referred to this one a "Tweedle #1". To me, that was a dumb move on the writers' part, but whatever. The press release for the spin-off premiere said this one is Dee and I'm sticking to that. Now, Tweedledee apparently was the bad twin. For some reason, he aligned himself with Jafar, and... that's kinda all we know. Dee did bad. Which is why he doesn't rank with his brother, despite being an expected shoe-in for joint ranking. No, Dum deserves more consideration than Dee. Because Dee was dumb. Fun when he was beheaded, though. 66. Eric In the Disney adaptation of "The Little Mermaid", Prince Eric stands out as one of the most notable Disney princes, for his substantial role and involvement in the climax, forming a partnership of sorts with Ariel to defeat Ursula. He's just a good character overall. But on Once he was entirely wasted, particularly after his first appearance. Look, it's only expected that, if a Disney princess is going to be a supporting character on this show, the man by her side will have an even smaller role. Granted. But, as much as I understand the reasoning for Eric not being much of a character unto himself, that only helps to make my case for why he is ranked so low. 65. Walsh/Wizard of Oz Wow, I'm starting to notice how many characters so far - well, all of them - were introduced in the Once universe only last TV season. Could it just be that, because they're so recent, they haven't been properly fleshed out yet? Does anyone on this show ever get properly fleshed out? Tehe. Anyway, Walsh was an oddity, cos, well, Emma had sex with a monkey. Also he could apparently go back and forth between being a monkey and a person, which is something we didn't see with the other flying monkeys, and it makes us question just how much of an influence/thrall Zelena actually had on him, and he fell to his death which was kinda dumb cos he had wings. You could make the case that he was hit over the head and didn't have time to spread out his wings and fly in the time he was falling; I could make the case that the writers could have come up with a smarter way of killing him off. Yep. Also, I was excited to see Christopher Gorham guest starring because I knew him and I'm always excited for familiar actors to drop by, but... his acting... no. The dialogue/writing didn't help, of course - it rarely ever does. But yeah, I wasn't impressed by Gorham. Nice twist with the Wizard thing though. I called it, but still nice. 64. Taj & Rafi Yeah, I don't have much to say about them. Genie story was cool. Acting not so much. Moo. 63. The Lost Boys By which I mean the nameless ones, of course. The Lost Boys were actually done quite well in the show, staying true to their origins, being boys who felt abandoned or neglected by their families and who found solace and a new family of sorts with each other in Neverland, in their lovely thoughts. I think it's a nice touch that only those who feel lonely can hear Pan's music and be his followers. Nevertheless, they are still just nameless and often faceless extras. Also, they formed a community in Neverland and led their lives apparently just fine, but they were still so broken that they all agreed to be taken to Storybrooke with the Charmings. And then... what? It's not like their families were there waiting for them, right? Most likely not, anyway. Maybe some people from Hamelin and what not got taken with the Curse, but chances are some of those kids were flown to Neverland hundreds of years ago and their parents are dead. And then they get to Storybrooke, where they have no homes and where Mary Margaret et al seem to dump all over them, right, cos... where are they now? Sigh. Those poor kids. 62. Phillip All in all, I could make the same argument for Phillip as I did for Eric: notable Disney prince reduced to a glorified extra for being the arm candy of a supporting Disney princess. But Phillip did have a more substantial role in the second season premiere than Eric ever did, he had more appearances, he seems nice enough and I'm excited to see what he brings to the table during the upcoming Maleficent arc. Also, Julian Morris is... I'll stop this sentence now. Nobody needs to know. 61. Moe French/Maurice So this dude's a bit messed up in the ole thinker, right? He doesn't see his daughter for decades, and within one minute of reuniting with her he decides to condemn her to a life of sheer ignorance. That's just strange. We haven't seen much of Maurice so far, and in his two full-fledged appearances he is certainly less than likable, but at least they brought him back to give Belle away (proving they hadn't forgotten he existed, which I honestly thought they had), showing some growth, tolerance and change on his part. And sure, in his own messed up way, he thought he was doing what was best for Belle, which is how a lot of bad parents on this show rationalize their actions. If we can forgive far more barbaric things from far more barbaric characters, we can accept Moe's actions. Not enough to rank him any higher than this though. 60. Greg Mendell/Owen Flynn Full disclosure: Greg is a much more fleshed-out character than most that are yet to come, or just more important anyway. But he is always just such a nuisance, and not an entertaining one. Greg never did anything for me on this show. The notion that the "real world" was coming to Storybrooke was one I was not excited about that early on in the series' run, and even that was tainted by the fact that, well, Greg in no way represented the "real world". He was well aware of the existence of magic, had been searching for Storybrooke for a long time, and worked for fricking Peter Pan, though he didn't know it at the time. He wasn't some random tourist that stumbled upon the town and saw Tinker Bell flying about. So, here we are then: the "real world" has yet to come to Storybrooke, and Greg's story was a wash. His sad tale about having his father taken from him by an insane Regina didn't help to make us more sympathetic towards him, his romance with Tamara added no layers to that story, he was so clumsily written off (killed off? What even happened there? The writers themselves seem to not be sure) and swept under the rug, and on top of all that, he was such an obnoxious and rude kid!!! That was what Regina wanted for a child? Why on earth? Henry may be annoying, but he's not actually rude. Ethan Embry was good enough in this role (and so was the child actor, let's be honest), but the writing for Greg was all over the place and led absolutely nowhere. Greg sucks. 59. Sarah Okay, yes, she's a bit of a bitch, but for some reason I always liked Sarah, and was happy she kept appearing. Since in her first appearance she was only in flashbacks I was perhaps a bit afraid she didn't factor into Edwin's present-day life anymore, but she's still very much a part of Alice's family - and a more accepting part at that - and I'm glad. It saddens me to think that maybe Edwin doesn't love her as much as he did his first wife, but since Sarah's bitchy and commanding anyway, maybe that's only fair. It's lovely that Alice hands her the bouquet at the wedding, and I like her reaction to Mrs. Rabbit, an odd creature, just sitting behind her. I also really like Millie, by the way. She doesn't make the cut for only having been in two episodes, so just imagine she ranks here with her mommy. 58. Anton I like Lost as much as the next person, and with Once being its direct descendant I'm always excited to see what familiar face will pop up next as an iconic fairytale character. Or Amara. Lol. Jorge Garcia was certainly no exception, even though I never really warmed up that much to Hurley, unlike every other person in the Lost fandom. And when he guest-starred as the Giant in the beanstalk, it became clear to me - and, thankfully, others - why. Jorge Garcia SUCKS! He is a bad actor. He was bad on Lost, he was bad on Once, he was bad on How I Met Your Mother, he was bad on everything I've seen him in. I wouldn't want anyone else to play Anton, of course, Garcia fits the bill perfectly (though not for his acting skills). But yeah, he still sucks, and helps to make his centric episode one of the least appealing of the whole series, when it could've been a fun one-off. Also, he becomes yet another figure to join this show's character limbo. He was made an honorary dwarf (or, rather, an actual dwarf: the pickaxe don't lie), but just stopped appearing. The dwarfs are still recurring characters on the show, getting together every now and then, but their new brother not so much. On a technical sense, it's nothing short of understandable: Anton/Tiny isn't played by a Canada-based co-star, he's played by a high-profile guest. Story-wise, it's a head-scratcher how Anton is always MIA. 57. Baby Neal Speaking of head-scratchers, you might wonder why this character ranks above all of the others so far, and especially above Roland. True, baby Neal doesn't even have a personality yet, he's basically just a prop, but to be fair, if someone doesn't have a personality, then they don't have a boring or annoying personality either, obviously. Unlike most of the characters we've dealt with so far. The fact of the matter is, whereas I don't understand what Roland's purpose on the show is, I understand Neal's: he is the Charmings' first actual shot at parenthood, which, like it or not (for how realistic, down-to-earth and therefore less fantastical it is, going up against the more supernatural elements that make the show), is such an essential storyline. The show could not end without giving Snow and Charming the chance to be parents, to make up for the opportunity that was taken from them when the first curse was cast. Neal has a purpose, he has an importance. And the show has the next few seasons to gradually make a character out of him. Also, he's adorable. :3 Name's questionable, though. I've never really understood naming babies after dead people. Seems like such a weight to put on a newborn. But that's my personal opinion. 56. Eva Eva is a character that really drives me off the edge, not because of her per se, but for how others perceive and react to her. I really, really like the idea that "good" isn't born, it's made, just like "bad" is. Eva is a prime example of that, she is seen as a petulant princess who grows into a benevolent and selfless queen. Her daughter mirrors her too, evolving from a spoiled brat to a fair maiden with the purest heart ever known. Yet recently the protagonists of the series seem to think of Eva as this morally ambiguous character due to reporting Cora's misdeeds to Leopold. Sure, Eva had her own agenda, she was interested in preserving her arranged marriage to a middle-aged creep. But explain to me again how someone performing their civic duty by reporting a criminal is being evil? There's no actual grey area about it, Cora did a bad thing, Eva did the right thing by turning her in. Okay, getting her to trip was petty. But she spent the rest of her life apparently being a good person and making up for some self-involved actions, whereas, well, we all know how Cora ended up. Ranking higher on this list, that's how. Lol. Anyway, the way the mainies refer to Eva's presence in Cora's life, it almost seems to say that Eva deserved what came her way. Sigh. Also, I hate how they say her name like "Ava". What even? 55. Billy/Gus Admittedly, I had no idea who Billy was before filming for 2.07 started and everyone was saying we'd find out his fairytale identity in it. I had to be told of this character, which is very unlike me, as I tend to notice recurring characters, even the smaller ones. And I was sure surprised, just like everyone else, to find out he was Gus, the mouse from the "Cinderella" movie. The fact that Billy's first appearance was in the Cinderella-centric episode goes to show that the writers aren't the lunkheads we sometimes make them out to be, poor things. Anyway, Billy seemed like a genuinely nice guy and it's a shame we saw him go so soon and in such a gruesome way. Farewell, Billy, we hardly knew ye. 54. Maleficent I am spoiled by watching a few good shows with great casts, really professional and terrific actors, so I give the less-than-stellar stars of Once a bit of a hard time, but I rarely ever think to myself, "I wish someone else played this role." Jennifer Morrison doesn't really wow me as Emma (though she's getting better), but would I want someone else playing the part? No, I wouldn't. Maleficent is the exception, however. I have always, always believed the role was miscast. I'm sure Kristin Bauer is a fine enough actress, but she does not sell Maleficent for me, I really don't like that they gave her this role. However, I am very excited about the arc they have planned for her coming up ahead, and I am happy that she was finally available to take on this show in a longer-lasting fashion. And I have to agree with this that what little we've seen of Maleficent has left me wanting more. In fact, I thoroughly believe that, if done correctly, her story could answer several questions we have and bring much needed darkness. And that's why she doesn't rank lower. 53. The Darling Siblings Few flashback stories have brought more excitement and joy to my poor heart than the one featuring the Darling family in 2.21. It was long-awaited and greatly delivered, and I was relieved that those characters weren't forgotten when Peter Pan's story was further explored in season 3. I don't even think they were that poorly used either, with Michael and John becoming the new Greg and Tamara, working as Pan's henchmen but with way better motivations and actual awareness, and Wendy being trapped on the island by Pan was a nice, dark turn on their beloved tale. I give the Neverland arc a lot of crap because it dragged a bit and ended poorly, but it was nicely executed throughout, and the Darlings are a testament to that. I really love the fact that Wendy never aged whereas her brothers became adults from their occasional exposition to our timeline. It's just creative. But their send-off, lol... Within one minute Wendy reunites with her brothers outside the ship, Neal meets them too ("Do you remember Baelfire?"), everybody hugs and off the Darlings go. Oh, this show. 52. Leopold Hmmm... Happy endings are usually plentiful for good characters on Once, the ones that get written off anyway (the ones that are always at the core of the stories keep having to jump over hurdles because, well, there's gotta be drama). But only for the present-day good guys. Think about how many good characters have been killed off in the flashbacks, some in horrible, unfair ways, to explain why the present-day heroes or villains are the way they are. Leopold is a good example of that, he was apparently a kind king, who only wanted the good for everyone who stepped foot in his land, or so he told the Genie. Yet, as you can see above, he suffered a terrifying death, brought on by a traitor. Okay, it is a bit questionable that he had Regina locked up after thinking she loved someone else. And it's also a bit questionable that he would just wanna marry Regina when he apparently knew Cora - with whom he had history - was her mother. And... okay that's quite a few questionable things, but I think at his core Leopold was good, and certainly interesting. And... yeah. 51. Tamara So most of the arguments I used up on Greg could apply to Tamara for obvious reasons: they were both mindless lackeys of Pan's, their romance was unnecessary, and she even had the added offenses of no proper motive for her actions and, on top of that, the fricking magical taser!! So why does Tamara rank so high above Greg? For starters, I thought the actress was pretty good, never clunked for me. Secondly, her death scene was actually gripping, whereas Greg's presumed death was just stupid, like anything related to the Shadow was. And third, Greg's arc was overreaching, he was meant to be all sorts of things, none of which truly materialized into anything well formed, whereas Tamara was more focused. In her case, being less dimensional actually helped. That's why she's higher up. Not because she's black and I don't want to be called a racist. It has absolutely nothing to do with that. Nothing, okay?! 50. The Dwarfs Happy, Doc, Sleepy, Dopey, Sneezy and Bashful. You know, it actually surprises me a little that this show made the effort to introduce every single one of the seven dwarfs, and then some. They could have just done Grumpy and said, "Hey, the others died during the Ogre Wars." But no, all seven dwarfs are a constant presence in the series, ever since the pilot episode, and sure, they're usually just credited extras (Bashful and Dopey have never had any lines, for obvious reasons), but hey. It's a bit disappointing, I suppose, how Grumpy is the only truly notable one, it would have been nice to give more focus to the occasional dwarf here and there, but they get by, we know their backstory and they don't do any harm either. My biggest beef with them is that we only know the Storybrooke names for three. Really lazy on the writers' part. 49. Tweedledum It might be shocking that Dum ranks so high above Dee, but Dum's demeanor really resonated well with me. You can tell that he is goodhearted for sticking up for his beloved Queen and ultimately helping the good guys, but there is also a certain simplicity to his actions that makes him all the more endearing: you get the sense that he does it because he doesn't know any better. Serving Her Majesty is what he was born to do. So true, he is ultimately nothing more than her sycophant, but at least he's not a rotten traitor like his brother. And seeing Tweedledum playing pat-a-cake with Millie at the wedding... the feels. Adorbs. :3 48. Mother Superior/Blue Fairy What's this woman's deal anyway? We know where dwarfs come from, and we don't even question it anymore or call out how offensive it is, but we have no clue where fairies come from or what they're really all about. We don't even know if they have innate magic or if they always just need to resort to magic wands and fairy dust to get their way. And it seems like we won't be finding out anytime soon because, well, the Blue Fairy is the biggest representative of fairies, and the writers don't seem to want to spend any time on her at all. For three seasons, this woman has been one of the most used recurring guest stars, but still her appearances are always kept to a minimum. She's apparently one of the most powerful figures around (is she?) and yet she never gives a helping hand during a crisis. In fact, the most helpful thing she's done is make up a memory potion offscreen. Regina didn't even turn to her when she needed to replicate said potion in 3.13, which goes to show how little the Boob Fairy actually springs to anyone's mind. Not to mention that her moral compass is quite dubious: she wasn't exactly wrong to punish Tink, after all, the green fairy is the one who failed big time, twice, but then after getting her sorry ass saved by Tink, Mother Superior suddenly tells her she spent her whole life making up for her mistakes, and Boobs should have acknowledged that sooner. What? How did she even know that? I am also quite curious to know why all fairies became nuns, what their connection to God is, but I doubt the show is ever gonna get overly religious. This isn't Lost, this is its slow son that doesn't get as many toys for Christmas cos what is a lummox gonna do with toys anyway, just break them. I really want there to be a centric episode for the Blue Fairy that provides some insight into what she's all about, but I'm starting to fear we won't get one until they actually decide to kill her off for good, if that. And, to be fair, I think her high episode count is the only thing keeping her from ranking any lower than this. 47. Edwin Edwin is at fault for a lot of things, being a constant bad parenting figure for Alice, not showing her the support she needed so, but can one truly blame him? First and foremost, Alice spent extended periods of time away from home, leaving her father not knowing where she'd gone off, which must have taken a terrible toll on him. And it's only expected that one would show great reluctance to believe such fantastical tales. Add to that the fact that he lost his first wife (I believe when Alice was born, right? Or did I just make that up? Moo.), and you've got some pretty good reasons to cut the man some slack. And what matters is, in the end, he turned it around, showing great sorrow for not having believed his daughter and offering up his life for her chance to find her one true love. The dream thing when Alice used up another wish to save him was a great twist, and all was well that ended well when Edwin got to welcome Cyrus into their family and give his little girl away. Yay for happy endings! 46. Granny Granny is a much better honorary dwarf than Anton, cos it seems all she ever does is tag along with their brethren and bitch about how nothing works the way it should in Storybrooke. She is in almost every episode nowadays and all she does is utter a few choice lines, but granted, they're all quite scathing and kinda fun. I would imagine her presence in the series would suffer thanks to Red's departure, but I guess not. Now, I grew up complaining about how I didn't have a traditional fairytale grandmother, but Granny here is no stereotypical "put them kids over your lap and read them a story" nana either. She's a badass lady who can handle her crossbow and can sniff you out if you're in heat. But aside from her tough demeanor she has a soft side and poses as everyone's grandmother, because we all know they need a tough yet loving parental figure of sorts because all parents on this show are either evil or good but dead. Or evil and dead. Anyway, she also needs a centric episode, but at the same time, do we actually wanna see that? Maybe if it's shared with someone more interesting... like Red, of course. I like how she's pretty much always seen knitting. 45. D.A. Spencer/King George King George reigns supreme as the truest Once villain, in the sense that he barely has any redeeming qualities to him, whereas pretty much every other baddie is fleshed out to the point where you sort of sympathize with them, even the nastiest ones like Cora and Jafar. The only good thing we know (or guess, to an extent) about George is that - maybe - he did love his wife and adopted son. But he was a big-ass dick to Charming, Snow and even poor Red, who never did anything to harm him or his plans. George brutally murdered Billy, yet another innocent soul, and long before that he was indirectly responsible for David's mother's death. And he had already thretened to kill her before that. And he fricking made Snow barren!! George is nasty, y'all, and we easily forget how much damage he actually did. So true, he's not a very layered character, but he's never boring either. The writers appear to have forgotten about him a little - in fact, his true "writing off" came in the form of a deleted scene -, but I kinda hope they bring him back to provide further answers on how the Charmings took his kingdom from him, and to, well, wreak some more damage. Cos as nasty as his involvement in Red's second centric was, it was still pretty random and a forced way to get him to exact vengeance. 44. The Caterpillar The Caterpillar is just cool, okay? It's a bit odd that the character was designed to resemble its original voice artist, The Who's Roger Daltrey, only for him to be replaced by fellow rock star Iggy Pop. I don't know if any changes were made to the Caterpillar's look for that. Wouldn't be too bad, I guess, I mean, characters obviously change their looks whenever they're recast by actual live actors (looking at you, Robin Hood!). Anyway, I liked how they handled the Caterpillar in the spin-off, making him out to be some sort of Rumplestiltskin of Wonderland - or, rather, Underland. True, he ended up not serving much a major purpose in that series, which is a shame, but it didn't keep it from being cool. Did it, like, have magical powers? Otherwise, why would anyone wanna work for that big hunk of goo? Too bad it never became a butterfly in the end. Imagine that. 43. Felix Felix was annoying as all-get-out, and the acting did not help his case at all, from his very first appearance. So a question arises here: does Felix get on everyone's nerves because he's a good villain, or just because he's really lame and annoying? I think the latter, because we always seem to enjoy good villains on shows, rather than chastise them for being so vicious. But, like George, Felix comes across as a good villain of sorts for the sheer notion that he's just not likable in any way, and he is also this series' first true henchman. And to watch Felix die at the hands of the boy he worshipped (granted, in someone else's body) is both very rewarding and very tragic, because ultimately Felix was just a strayed teenager with a flawed belief system who never did anything that bad. Also he probably had a crush on Pan. It was never in the show, but it's so totes what happened there. And why couldn't they just name him after one of the many Lost Boys in the Disney movie? Category:Blog posts